My letter goodbye
by cedricslove
Summary: Hermione describes life after the final battle and says goodbye. Weasley Bashing
1. Chapter 1

AN: This story was written in haste after I went through a very emotional time with my best friend. A lot of it transferred into Hermione's life. This story is not beta'd so please excuse errors. It's a truly emotional story. Please review though.

Hi. My name is Hermione Granger-Weasley and most of you probably know me as Harry Potter's best friend, the brains of the golden trio, and part of the reason why Voldemort was defeated on that fateful day.

Well, you're very wrong. In fact, Harry and I haven't even been friends in almost 16 years. In the old days we meant absolutely everything to each other. We were the closest of friends, turning to each other because we both lacked family support. He because his parents were both tragically murdered, and I because my parents never understood this world, and I sent them to Australia with modified memories during the end of the war. Ron never understood the bond Harry and I shared, because Ron had his family to go to, but Harry and I just had each other.

Most of you probably think that I was in love with Harry, and you'd be right. It was impossible not to love him; the boy that the world depended on from age 1 to defeat the most evil wizard ever known. The scared little boy that only wanted his family back, that didn't care about all the fame, and all the fortune that came with it. He would give it all away for his family. He saved me in our first year from a troll. I was just some random girl and he ran in, and became my hero.

Harry was the best friend I've ever had, and even though this is deeply personal, it has been 19 years since Voldemort was defeated, and I've given you all everything I could. So after this is published I'm taking my kids and I'm leaving. Leaving the dead-beat husband that was no one's first choice, and got left to me since Harry ended up with the beauty of the story. It's time for the truth to come out, and maybe one day he will realize the mistake of losing my friendship. But if that day never comes, at least I will live in semi-happiness for the rest of my life.

It all began the 2 years after Voldemort was defeated. Harry, Ron, and I moved in together in a small house in Hogsmeade. The boys didn't really care where we lived because we could apparate anywhere we needed to go, but I knew that Harry would want to be near the only place that ever felt like his home, Hogwarts. Things were going well, I'd returned to school, and after bugging Harry, convinced him to return with me.

But that was back when he actually treated me like a human being. We both graduated and took our newts, allowing us to step into the careers that had always awaited us, him to be an auror, and me to be an unspeakable. Ron spent the two years after defeating Voldemort being lazy and he was convinced that he would end up as a famous quidditch player.

Obviously that never happened. I've always had to support him, and had to go back to work almost immediately after I had my children. It was heartbreaking to leave Rose and Hugo alone with him for all these years, but my children have enough of my qualities that they have stayed true to themselves. And I do owe a lot of credit to their Uncle Harry, who has always treated them like his own, never hesitating to step in and help in any way. Well, when my children were concerned. I'm another matter. But I shall come to that.

The three of us lived in peace. None of us really dated much and it worked quite well for us. But there were two people who it didn't suit; Mrs. Weasley and Ginny. Ginny was becoming increasingly impatient with Harry for not declaring his undying love for her. And her mother was even worse, demanding that we all settle down. How that woman ever convinced herself that I was in love with Ron is beyond me.

I'm a very independent person, and I didn't need the approval of the Weasley's and I would have been fine without them if they couldn't accept that. But Harry couldn't resist the only woman who'd ever been a mother figure for him. He gave in and started dating Ginny. I think that's when I lost my will. She started stealing him away from me, and I knew that he would give anything to please the Weasley's, he sacrificed me.

I don't think he even realized what he was doing at first, and then it was too late; Ginny's hold on him was complete. The last time that Harry and I had a conversation without her supervising him was the day he moved out 16 years ago. He, he told me that she didn't want him seeing me as much, didn't want him to talk to me as often, and he agreed. He told me that for the sake of his relationship he wanted me out of his life; That I wasn't to contact him or talk to him ever. I should only contact Ginny if Ron had an emergency. He told me that I was allowed to talk to him in public, but only when Ginny was around. I punched him in the stomach. Then my senses came back to me and I hexed him. I used my infamous "Avis" spell to conjure my birds and sent them at his face to violently attack. As he was busy swatting them away I yelled that he would regret his mistake and I apparated out of there.

I ended up somewhere on the top of a high cliff, looking down into an angry sea, slamming against the rocks. Without a second thought I threw myself from the top. I'm sure that you will think to yourself that that doesn't sound like Hermione, but remember that the man I was in love with had just cast me out of his life because his stupid girlfriend was jealous. Of course she was jealous! Any girl would've been! I was his best friend for 9 years, closer to him than any family, the girl that had always been there, and it seemed like I always would be. But I'm getting off track.

As I was falling through the air, I thought about how much better my life would be away from the Weasley's and the new Harry the one that could cast me away. But I never hit the water. Harry had somehow followed me, and he saved me. He somehow caught me, and then when he flew back up to solid land he apparated us home, sat me on the couch, told me not to be stupid and left. That was the last time he ever touched me, the last time we've spoken of something besides the weather.

Even today, the way he treated me, and the things he said haunt me. I cry when I think of the friendship we once had, and the way he ruined it. But the worst part is that I still love him, I don't think that I will ever stop, and it breaks my heart. I hate myself; more than words could ever describe. I try to be strong, because I have Rose and Hugo, the only bright spots in my very bleak existence. But being around them usually means being around Harry and his brood. Not that he ever so much as glances at me, but watching the way he is with my children; I know that he would've been the perfect father. And my children deserve so much more than they have. They deserve so much more than Ron Weasley.

So I'm leaving. I'm going away from this house and these people that only remind me of the only love I ever had, and the heartbreak I experience every day. I'm taking my children and cutting the Weasley from my name, hiding from everyone who forced me into this existence. I could've been happy married to someone other than Harry. I could've been happy if he was a friend that I saw once or twice a year. But to see him two or three times a week and not be able to have him in my life, it's worse than my suicide would have been.

So goodbye to everyone. To the man that never loved me married me because his mother wanted him to, and then proceeded to treat me and our family like dirt beneath his pure Weasley feet. Abusing me whenever he felt like it because he knew that no one would interfere, not even the hero Harry did anything. To the bitch that stole my best friend away, because she couldn't see that Harry wouldn't have ever cheated on his wife. To the woman who dictated the way my life would be and helped her children make me miserable.

And finally, to the best friend, and lover I've ever had. I'll never forget our one kiss in the tent when we were so lonely and confused that we clung to each other. I'll never forget what a good friend you were during our friendship. I try to only think of you as you were then, a sweet and innocent boy of 11, incapable of breaking my heart, and throwing away our friendship, because our friendship meant the world to you. I hope you regret it all, letting your wife and her mother dictate everything about your life, throwing your best friend away because of them, letting her become a stranger to you, one that you couldn't even bother to save from abuse. And you used to be my hero… Goodbye Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: This chapter is what I think would happen if two best friends were to reconcile after what they went through. This chapter may seem made up and it is, but so many people wanted a second chapter so I tried my best. Please review.**

Hi. My name is Harry Potter, and most of you think that you know everything about me. And most of what you know is probably true. This past month has been absolutely crazy since Hermione published that letter she wrote in the "Daily Prophet." Everyone wants to know if what she wrote is true. So, without the approval of anyone in my life, I'm going to give you an answer.

It's all true. She didn't lie, she didn't even exaggerate. I cannot speak of the validity of her emotions, but I have no reason to doubt that they are not accurate. So now you've learned something new about me. I'm a bloody arse. I wish that I could say that I was under the imperius curse when this happened, but I wasn't. I'm just bloody stupid.

I'm sure that everyone will say that even though I made the mistake of kicking Hermione out of my life, I could've apologized, and we could've worked it out. Well, frankly, you're right. Let me try to explain. At the beginning of my relationship with Ginny I didn't notice how much control she was gaining over me. The relationship was new and exciting, and I was excited to spend time with her. She was always exciting and fun, always looked gorgeous and was in all aspects the perfect girlfriend. Slowly she started asking me to do small favors for her; to not have lunch with Hermione every day, but to have lunch with her.

I didn't think that this was outrageous, Ginny was my girlfriend, and I could understand that she wanted to spend time with me. The demands did not happen in a short period of time. They happened slowly, and I barely noticed. But Hermione did, and she confronted me about it one night. I had gotten to the point where I would eat dinner with her once a week, instead of lunch or dinner every day like before. She didn't attack me, she simply asked why I was spending less time with her. I told her that Ginny was more important and that she should stop acting like a jealous lover. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. But I didn't apologize. I turned around and walked away, ignoring her tears. I don't know why I said it; that was the very first time that I ever made Hermione cry.

Hermione was the one that kept me alive for 8 years, she helped me solve all my problems, and she comforted me and never expected anything in return. During the end of the war, while I was searching for Horcruxes with Ron and Hermione, Ron left us, because he did not like my leadership. Hermione was there for me then, she did everything. She cooked, cleaned, searched for clues, dealt with me, and grieved over losing Ron. Although after her letter, I will just say that what I thought was grief was the result of all of her stress. Herminie was my rock. And since she admitted that we were lovers in her letter, I feel no shame in discussing it. I was lost and confused, and convinced that I was going to die. I was only 17 and I was about to face the most evil wizard of all time. I also had a huge crush on Hermione, and one night when we were feeling particularly low, we acted upon our feelings. I kissed her and it led to other things. No one ever knew that, but it was one of the best nights of my life.

I know you will accuse me of even worse things now that I've admitted that, but it was necessary. If you're out there somewhere reading this Hermione, I've always wanted you to know that. One of the biggest regrets I have from the past 16 years is that I wasn't there for Hermione when she really needed it. But I always felt like I was somehow being held back, like I couldn't go to Hermione's aid. I realize how weak, and lame that sounds, but there is no other way to describe it. I suppose that I was just being selfish. I mean what kind of man doesn't save a woman being abused in front of her own children? My poor niece and nephew, they look to me to be their father, and I've tried so hard to be there for them, but I couldn't save their mother. They have every reason to hate me.

I don't really know what to say. There is nothing that can justify what I did to Hermione. How I threw her friendship back in her face. She was always there for me; she gave me her love, her friendship, and her body. And I rejected everything. I'm only glad that I didn't let her kill herself, although, after all the terrible things she faced in her marriage, I'm not sure that I did her a favor. I love my family; don't get me wrong, but that love shouldn't have gotten in the way. Nothing can even begin to excuse my failure to my best friend.

Hermione I'm so sorry. I have no words that can describe to you the regret I feel in what I did to you. What kind of person lets the women who saved his wife stay in an abusive marriage? Let's children he loves as his own to watch their father beat their mother? I have honestly missed you these past few years, and many times I thought about talking to you, but I was never strong enough. I know that isn't a valid excuse, and the only words I have for you are I'm sorry. I hope that one day you can forgive me. My children miss Rose and Hugo so much, and I hope you come back so that I can make it up to you.


End file.
